Is This the Best Day of Your Life?

I’m having a lot of trouble coming up with something to write today.   I keep running up against so many contradictions that every time I think I’ve found my tack, I just can’t even complete the thought.

The day, here in Los Angeles, is dark and gloomy.  Gus woke up before 5 and after nursing him, I didn’t really get back into a decent sleep, even though Masa was kind enough to get up (since Gus wasn’t having the “let’s lie down and sleep, little one” thing) and let me snooze.  I rose at 6:15 after trying for an hour.  I was cranky. I lost my patience with my sweet boy.  I struggled. My coffee leaked all over me.  I got us to the pediatrician’s office by 8am for a follow up to his last ear infection.  I was not surprised in the least when she found that he has another.  He’s been off the antibiotics for two weeks and this week he’s had a runny nose and a cough… which always seem to mean ear infection these days.  So we will go back on antibiotics for ten more days.  And we’ll be back to see the doc in two weeks and we’ll hope that he doesn’t need tubes.  Well, tube, because it’s always only one ear.  It’s only 9 o’clock.

So I want to write a ranty post.  I want to bitch and moan and rail at how tired I am and how cold and icky it is and how I want nothing more than to be able to crawl back under my duvet and start over (after several hours).  I want to cry about how hard this is – this working parent thing.  How I never meant to fail as a mother but somehow it feels like that’s exactly what’s happening.  How I just. need. a fucking. break.  But the thought of taking one just piles on more guilt.

In short. I want to have a pity party.

And could I please have some cheese with my whine? (I like Camembert.)

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking “guess what, jen? mission afreakingcomplished.” And you may or may not tack a “you selfish whore” onto the end of that.

So let’s try this again.

The day, here in Los Angeles, is dark and gloomy.  But yesterday? Yesterday was radiant.  The sun was perfect and the air was soft and it smelled like there might be rain sometime in our future, but that the rain was then and sun was now.  Yesterday was golden.

And yesterday, just maybe, my dear friend Laura may have conceived her heart’s desire.  She’ll tell you about it all when she’s ready.  I know that if there are any regular readers out there you were probably just as anxious as I – ok that would actually be hard to match because I? was going crazy – waiting to hear how it all went.

So there’s my contradiction.  With everything from the clouds outside to the coffee stains on my pants to the prescription for yet more antibiotics sitting on the table, trying to drag me down. I just can’t let it.  We need some positive energy up in here folks.  We need to let that little could-be being know that this is a really great place to be.  That love and good things abound.

So I’m starting with me.  I’m hereby adjusting my attitude.  I’m going to share with you a… I guess you could call it an affirmation, maybe? that has always helped me find my bootstraps.  Here goes:

Today is the best day of someone’s life.  Today, someone is having the kind of day when nothing can get them down.  Today, someone is walking on air, with all of their dearest dreams coming true.  Today, it’s not me.  But that’s okay.  Someday it will be.

Readers: Help me out here.  Resolve to be positive even if you really just want to crawl in a hole.  Resolve to feel joy that *someone* somewhere is having the very best day of his or her life.  And if that describes you today? If today IS your day?  Can you comment about it for the rest of us?  I think we might all be able to use a little magic today.

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