The Anticipation May Kill Me

Today I am 12 dpo, meaning Aunt Flo is expected tomorrow.  Yesterday I was feeling PMS-y and depressed, so I was sure that all hope was lost.  Then I got a call from my obgyn’s nurse telling me that my progesterone levels were extremely high when I went in for blood work last Thursday.  This gave me hope – whether it should or not, I really don’t know.  Maybe my body is just producing a lot of hormones this cycle.  But maybe…maybe it means something else.  And it also helps that I’m not feeling PMS-y today the way I was yesterday.

Deep breaths.  I had a really positive feeling about this cycle up until yesterday.  Even before I had ovulated, even when I knew the IUI was done too early, I still had a good feeling about this month.  I can’t explain it.  That feeling utterly vanished yesterday, but it seems to be back today.  My temperatures are staying nice and high so far.  Usually I have a somewhat gradual decline leading up to AF, but I’m not going to hang my hat on that just yet.  We’ll see what tomorrow’s temperature is like.  I refuse to test before then.

At this point, if my doctor was right that I ovulated earlier than I think I did, then AF is already late.  If he’s wrong, then she’s not.  Suddenly I’m changing my tune a bit and hoping he was right!

Sorry for the rambling.  I don’t really have much of a point here.  This two week wait has been a particularly strange one.  It doesn’t help that this past weekend I went on a mini holiday with my parents, sister, and brother-in-law, *without* my husband, and felt like I regressed to being a kid again.  Only to come home and think…”Hmm.  I wonder if I’m pregnant.”  An odd sort of dichotomy.

So yes, babydust, fingers crossed, prayers, whatever you can throw at me at this point I’ll be grateful.    In the mean time I am going to try not to get crushed by the big fat anticipation and try to keep my spirits up at the same time.

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