Experiment Results

This past cycle I experimented with reducing my stress level, trying not to obsess about TTC, and getting back to being myself and not some rabid baby-seeking psycho.   I was pretty successful at all of these things.  I still charted my temperature, and made mental notes of my CM whenever it was obvious.  As a result we timed things fairly well, and when my temperature spiked I felt pretty confident that we had done our best.

Amazingly, I actually made it to 12 dpo without stressing much about the whole thing at all.  And even then, I wouldn’t call it stress – more just anticipation of AF’s arrival (or of course, the alternative, much more preferable, result).

The good news is, less stress is a good thing.  Of course.  I felt more like myself this 6 weeks (it was a looong cycle, now that I’m off Clomid – I ovulated on day 24).  I did things that I knew would relax me, things I hadn’t let myself do in a while because god forbid it might have some effect on conception.  Like taking a hot bath.  Drinking wine when I felt like it  (until after I ovulated, when I cut back again).  Even drinking caffeinated coffee a couple of times.  Wow!  What a rebel.

I joke, of course.  But the effect was good.  I was a much calmer, happier person the past several weeks.  My nonchalance about TTC, unfortunately, extended a bit into my work, and I basically didn’t give a shit about my job for a few weeks there.  Oops.  But I was still peaceful, and that was the goal.  I’ll try to be a better employee this next month, promise.

The bad news is that I did not get pregnant.  I know, it would have been crazy if it was that easy.  If we had tried for over a year and then the cycle when I follow the cliche and “just relax,” we are successful.  Too poetic.  Too perfect.  But yeah, in my heart of hearts I think I believed it might happen.  I can’t quite say I got my hopes up, since I honestly didn’t let myself think about it that much.  But yeah.  It would have been pretty great.

So the results of my experiment?  I’m happier, probably healthier.  But definitely not pregnant.  AF arrived this morning with a vengeance.  And now I have to decide whether to take another cycle of minimizing stress, or give in and go see an RE.  I’m tempted to go with the former, for obvious reasons.

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