Bedrest is no party

little chickpea hanging in there

I have been on bedrest for one week.  I know there are women out there who had to do this for 6 or 7 months of their pregnancy, and I can only pray that I won’t have to do that.  One week was hard enough.  And now I am beginning a second week of bedrest.

Today we got to see our chickpea again.  Looking bigger and better than ever, with a strong heartbeat of 179 bpm.  Measuring exactly nine weeks, putting my due date at February 13, 2012.  The pregnancy looks healthy and great.

But then right next to that healthy pregnancy? Is a big fat gap between the placenta and the uterine wall.  Hence the second week of bedrest.  I haven’t had any bleeding in six days, thankfully, but Dr. T warned that I may bleed again.  The gap is significant.  Scarily significant.  But so long as the baby is still doing okay, I remain optimistic.  The bedrest has clearly helped, so we can hope that it will continue to help.

I’ve told a few select people what is going on, which means I get the occasional visitor, which is a huge blessing right about now.  My husband hasn’t started his new job yet, which is also a huge blessing, as he is actually around to take care of me.   I am so grateful for the support system I have, and that I am no longer bleeding and my baby seems to be okay so far.

But in spite of all this gratitude, I can’t help but complain just a little bit.  Not just about the fact that I just got back from a vacation, and therefore my house is in dire need of cleaning and ordering, and yet I can’t do any of it.  And while my husband is here, there are some things you just want to do yourself, you know?  Not to mention not being able to just randomly get up and do spontaneous things that I always took for granted. Like, I don’t know, use my muscles?  Instead I am languishing here like a blob.

And the other thing that I can’t help but complain about, if you will allow me, is how unfair this is.  Those of us who have worked this hard, had such broken hearts so many times trying to get pregnant for so long?  We aren’t the ones who are supposed to have to go through this.  I mean of course *no one* should have to go through this, don’t get me wrong.  But to have to struggle so much to get pregnant, I guess I thought I had paid my dues a little bit.  Apparently not.

Still, I will try to focus on the gratitude part.  I am incredibly lucky for all that I have.  And I will try to keep focusing on that.  But anyone who has ever thought “wouldn’t it be great to be put on bedrest? To have an excuse not to go to work, and to make my partner fetch things for me all day?”  Well, I say to you, dear madam, no, no it’s not great.  At all.

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