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Preparing More Than Just the Nursery

January 12, 2012
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So I’m 38 weeks now – according to my dr.’s office which has for some reason suddenly decided I’m due the 26th instead of the 27th… but whatever. Official 38 week appointment was this week and things are looking good. Blood pressure is doing well and I’m currently 1 cm dilated. Means nothing at all, I know, but it’s something I guess. The doc actually said he expects to see me dilate before labor starts, and that he’s expecting this kid to come around his due date. As if he knows. Ha. We shall see. I’m still ok with him taking his time – so long as he comes on his own.

Anyway those are the nuts and bolts of the pregnancy but I wanted to talk about something else today. About something that my husband gave me that may very well be the absolute best thing he’s ever given me (besides my boys of course).

Last week he walked in after work and handed me a card for a Marriage and Family Therapist. My eyes well up thinking about it.

He tells me it came about in a totally normal conversation with a coworker about family and babies and marriage. He swears he wasn’t venting or talking about me or anything (but really, I couldn’t blame him if he were, lord knows I have vent sessions with coworkers and friends every now and again…) So I guess this coworker offered the name and card of a MFT that she’d seen.

I’m sure the first question you are thinking is: Are we having problems in our marriage? Nope.

But the way he sees it, and why I love him so much for it, is that we’ve got a lot of challenges coming up in the next year. When the new baby comes and again when I go back to work, and of course everything in between.  We’re getting our home prepared with tiny diapers and nipple cream and itty bitty clothes. We’re getting our son prepared (as much as we can) by talking about baby brother as much and as lovingly as we can. Why not prepare our marriage, too? If only by having the card of a therapist on hand who is highly recommended by someone he knows.

Apparently, this MFT is great with young families and advice with parenting and children and how to get through it as a team instead of working against each other.  And since we both know that we’ve had moments of not seeing eye-to-eye, and of resenting each other, over the course of having ONE child, having this card in our back pocket feels really really good as we careen toward having TWO. It feels like insurance.

The other reason why this means so much is because I suspect that I might have had some mild postpartum depression the last time around. I’ve asked him to look out for me this time. I’ve had him read accounts of PPD and PPA and even he can see that there are alarming similarities. So I’ve asked that he watch for these things in the coming months. He promised he would. And him being motivated about this therapist feels like his first step toward fulfilling that promise. It feels like him taking me seriously.

When he does things like this, it reminds me that my husband and I will make it though whatever life throws at us. It reminds me that we’re in this together, for the long haul. And there really is nothing quite as good as knowing that.

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