Nearly Ready

Holy crap, it’s February.

Our baby could literally be born any day.   As you’ve probably seen, Jen had her adorable little Jude last Friday.  Our due date is coming up around the corner – we are nearly there!

The to do list is looking better – a lot of things are crossed out, which is the way I like it.  There are a few more things I really hope we can take care of before our boy gets here.  But oh my goodness.  It is so surreal that he is almost here.

At my last two weekly appointments, my OB checked me and I wasn’t dilated at all.  The chickpea keeps getting bigger and bigger, so my OB said as soon as he can sweep my membranes, he will, to see if it will spur things along.  I’ve had a lot of contractions and my cervix has started thinning a bit, but it remains tightly shut.  Baby has dropped and is headbutting my cervix on a semi-regular basis, letting me know he is ready to come out – but I guess my body isn’t quite ready to let go.  You and me both, sister.

I can’t wait to hold him in my arms, to (attempt to) nurse him, to see him in my husband’s arms, and, I’ll admit it, to let this belly start shrinking back down to size and these horrific stretch marks to start to fade.  But at the same time, I am trying to relish these last days of pregnancy.  Yes I’m uncomfortable and achey most of the time these days, and yes I feel the size of a house, and yes I can’t sleep properly no matter how hard I try.  But I’m *pregnant*.  Who knows if I ever will be again?

My current thinking is that we won’t fork over the cash to go through fertility treatments again, so unless we have a miraculous second pregnancy at some point, this may be our only child.  I reserve my right to change my mind about that, but I think when we already have one it will be hard to spend part of his college fund to conceive a baby brother or sister for him.   But no matter what happens in the future, we have our one and we are so grateful.  Yesterday we finally dropped off my leftover meds from our successful IUI cycle at Dr. T’s office to pay it forward, as it were.  When I first started my fertility meds they gave me a few vials for free, and I wanted to try to help them do the same for another woman desperately wanting to conceive.  I didn’t go into the office myself, because when I was TTC I wouldn’t have wanted to see a 38 week pregnant woman come waddling into the waiting room at my RE’s office, however inspiring it should have been.  But I wished I could go in there and hug every single person.  They gave us our baby.  It makes me cry just thinking about it.

And meanwhile, as this not-so-little boy wiggles and squirms and asks to come out, I will do my best to prepare for his arrival and to fully appreciate having him in my belly at the same time.  We are about to meet the love of our lives.  I can’t believe it.

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