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More Than I Can Chew

November 1, 2012

Picture, if you will, a person walking slowly on a fast-moving treadmill.

That is me. Yes, the belt-burn stings.

I’ve been back to the world of the working mother for nearly two months now. I must say that I believe I’m handling it all much, much worse than I did the first time around. This time, everything just too much. I’m losing my footing by the minute and my house is beginning to resemble something off of Hoarders.

I suppose that it’s probably obvious that things would be harder this time, since there are TWO people for whom we must cook, clean, and wipe bottoms. But I guess I figured that, as with the addition of the second child overall, the adjustments to our lifestyles had already been made, and therefore, the transition would be, if not a breeze, then at least as easy as it was before.

Wrong, Jennie. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I am running as fast as I can (metaphorically of course, I no longer have time for exercise), and someone keeps upping the speed on that treadmill.  So much so, in fact, that it’s beginning to take some serious tolls. My milk production is down, for one (which leads to more stress, funny). My stress levels are red-lining. I feel like I can’t catch my breath. I’m achy and even more tired than I should be. Bottom line is that this is not sustainable. Something is going to break.

So do I quit my job? No. That’s definitely not the answer, though I’m sure there are many who would argue otherwise. In LA you’ve got to have some pretty sweet salaries, and/or pretty sweet home-life deals in order to make it work as a single-income household. Nevermind the fact that, under normal circumstances, I do like working. I’m not writing this to justify, defend or impune any of the lifestyles out there. Mostly, this is simply to vent and document just how out of control things have been around here lately. I’m already working somewhat part time, so that’s not really the answer either.

Do I hire someone to do the housework? Maybe. We toy with this idea every now and then but with such a teeny house we never end up making it happen. I think we’re running out of choice on the matter though. We are taking the “never enough hours in the day” thing to an extreme around here; there, quite literally, are not.

Do we drop commitments and engagements? Possibly. That will take some real soul-searching though, as we do value keeping our children in enriching activities, and teaching them the value of an active lifestyle.

There are some options, surely. But today, feeling the weight of all of this, and with a shadow of a sore throat lingering, I’ve decided to take a mental health day. I’m going to rest up a bit and also clean my house a lot. Today this solution will work, this is not a long-term fix.

If you’ll allow another metaphor, I’m on a teeter-totter here. I’m constantly trying to find balance between work and home. Sometimes I feel like I have one under control, only to the detriment of the other. Never are both steadily in hand. I don’t have an answer. If I come across one, I’ll let you know. For now, I’ll leave it with that. This is too much. I’m having trouble coping. Woe is me.

But Halloween was fun!! Don’t worry, life is still good.


ps. We are participating in NaBloPoMo. Ok, stop laughing… Seriously. (and yes, I do see the irony of announcing yet another commitment at the end of this particular post, but that’s me. I bite off more than I can chew.) So check back in daily and we will actually really seriously try to have new content up! Maybe someday I’ll get the time to do the whole badge thing and all that. We’ll see.

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