Losing Patience – Finding Love
Heard in our house on any given day:
Gus, sweetheart, you need to get your shoes on now…
Gus, come on babe, we need to get going, please put your shoes on… I didn’t ask if you wanted to, honey. Please just listen. They’re over by the door.
Gus. you need to listen to me. I asked you to get your shoes on… I know you don’t want to, but this is what’s happening right now, ok? So please put your shoes on.
Yes you can. I know you can. I have seen you do it hundreds of times.
Gus, Get. Your. Shoes on! No! Do NOT TAKE OUT ANY TOYS WE ARE PUTTING SHOES ON! *deep breath* do not argue with me.
YES! THAT IS THE CORRECT FOOT! JUST PUT. THEM. ON!!
**help him put his shoes on**
and as we drive, a small voice reaches out from my son in the back seat asking, “mommy? are you still mad at me?” and I feel like I couldn’t be a worse mother if I tried. I vow to have more patience, but I know that I won’t always find it in time. I worry what it will do to me to have two head-in-the-clouds pre-schoolers needing constant nagging. I vow a million things that would make it better. But none of that abates the feeling of failing sometimes. Of being spent. Of not having had enough to give in the first place.
No honey. I’m not mad at you. Not even a little bit. Do you know how much I love you, Gus?
He nods in the rear-view mirror, and answers me: As much as the whole world!
Plus the moon!
Plus Allllll of space.
That’s right, buddy. And that’s just today. I’ll love you even more tomorrow. And that will always be true.
Hey Mom? I love you.
(that’s got to count for something, right?)