My Jude

So it’s happened. That thing I’ve been avoiding thinking about for the last month or so. That thing that I knew was just around the corner, but still refused to acknowledge till it was upon me.

My baby boy turned one.

I have such mixed feelings about this milestone that I really can’t make up my mind where I fall on the matter.

I’m sad. Of COURSE I’m sad. He’s my last baby, and he’s not a baby much longer. Naturally there’s a hefty portion of my heart that is breaking for those sweet stolen moments with a tiny baby in a milk coma. For baby smiles and the ease that comes with a child that doesn’t get into anything.

And I’m excited. There is so much ahead. The next six months are going to be astounding. He’s going to change so much and I’m thrilled to watch it. First steps and more words and continuing to learn to play with his brother.

I realize I don’t talk about him much. So I’ll take this opportunity to sort of record a few things about this little being I pushed into the world a year and a day ago.

My Jude is a sweet boy. He loves giving hugs and kisses. Unfortunately for us, his “hugs” and “kisses” usually involve headbutting us with his rather large noggin. When I walk in the room after coming home from work, he lights up and starts frantically trying to escape his high chair (I usually arrive during dinner). But when Masa comes in? or Gus? it’s the same exact reaction. He loves his family. That much is obvious.

His favorite thing right now is to stare at new people (or people he’s known forever) for a few minutes before lighting up and crooning “HIIIIIII!!!” or even “HIIIII juju!” He loves rolling a ball back and forth, and is beginning to learn how to throw overhand. We might have another sports nut on our hand like our eldest. Jude dances to any scrap of music he hears. He’ll sit back and bounce on his little booty while clapping his hands wildly. It’s even cuter than it sounds. Right now almost everything is either “dat?” or “doo.” And when he wants something he points at it and rotates his wrist back and forth while chanting “doo!?” or “dat!?” or some minor variation thereof.

Despite our earlier beliefs and luck, Jude has not been a stellar sleeper. He’ll sleep train in a few days and be ok for a while but any disruption will set us back. And we’ve had many disruptions. Basically someone has been sick in our house since about Thanksgiving. Jude’s currently in his third round of antibiotics – this time for a double ear infection. We’ve also taken a few weekend trips here or there which always set us back. Contrary to what so many parents I know have vowed, our boys actually DO wake each other up frequently. We are looking forward to a day when we don’t have to have them in the same room anymore.

He’s currently not showing much interest in bipedalism. He pulls up to standing on everything, but beyond that there’s not much yet. He hasn’t stood on his own (that I’ve seen) for more than a split second or so. Only very recently (like yesterday) has he actually consented to walking while holding onto someones hands. Usually he just sinks back down to his general tush and crawls.

The crawling is adorable though, so you won’t find me pushing walking!

Watching my two boys together fills something in my heart that I didn’t even know was lacking. It’s truly the most amazing thing I have witnessed and I hope beyond all hope that they are best friends their whole lives. That no matter what else happens in the world, they always have each other to lean on. That they always have their shared experiences to build on. As much as Jude loves Gus, I know that Gus is also completely enthralled with his baby brother. Even though the shouts of “Juuuu-uuuude!!! Dooooonnn’t!” and the like are already beginning, there’s no one who can get a smile out of my GusGus like his little brother.

So yeah. The whole first birthday thing is bittersweet, that’s for sure. But life, I’ve got to say, is so much more sweet than bitter. I am basking in the beauty every day.

Happy birthday my little jujube. I never knew my heart could be this full.