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Waiting for O

October 8, 2010

I have finished my first round of Clomid, and now I wait, and wait, for the magical O – ovulation, that is.  I am using OPKs this cycle for the first time, which helps cut my paranoia somewhat that we might miss it and time things badly.  I know this goes without saying, but I really want this cycle to work.

Now I have an extra motivation to want it to work, though.  While I clearly have no qualms about revealing far too much intimate information about myself on this blog, I do want to protect my husband’s privacy somewhat.  Let’s just say we’ve learned that I am not the only one whose body is presenting challenges to conceiving.  So now, even more than before, we are in this struggle together.  There is something unifying about knowing that we both have fertility handicaps.  Of course, I’d prefer that only one, or better yet, neither of us had a problem.  But the silver lining to our situation is that there will be no blame or guilt, because we both are providing a crazy obstacle course between his sperm and my eggs, making it extra difficult for them to find each other.   It’s like Medieval Times in my ute, people.

So this cycle, the Big O is particularly important.  Because if we don’t succeed this cycle au natural, we’ve decided that next cycle we will attempt intra-uterine insemination.  This is something that I hadn’t even vaguely considered when we first started trying to conceive, but suddenly it is on the table.   And it is only one cycle away.  I know there is nothing wrong with IUI, and I am grateful that it exists.  I am less grateful for the fact that my insurance doesn’t cover it.  But it’s a price we’re willing to pay at this point.

I would have liked to conceive our child in a romantic moment, but that may not be the case if this cycle is unsuccessful.  And of course, the added pressure that I am putting on us this cycle is probably not going to help anything.  But I swear I’m trying to be as Zen about all this as I can.  That’s not very Zen, if I’m being honest.  But I’m trying.

So O, when you come, we’ll be ready for you.   We’ll time everything just right.  We’ll continue to abstain until I get a positive OPK, remarkably hard though that is, because we want to have fully loaded reserves.   We’re going to go for it and see what happens.  So please don’t be elusive.  Just this once, do as you’re told.  Listen to the Clomid and get moving, okay?  Thanks.

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